After our wedding, we were frequently asked “so… when are you going to have kids?”
I realized that this is an impossible question to answer. Mostly, because…how can anyone predict exactly when they will get pregnant and have a baby?
Every time I opened my social media there was another couple announcing they were having a baby.
After over 15 pregnancy announcements I honestly lost count. I was excited for my family and friends who were having babies, but didn’t feel quite ready myself.
I have always operated on my own timeline and moved at my preferred speed. I never needed — or wanted — to do things in response to others.
I am also a huge planner. I like to time things as best as I can life has a chance to run as smoothly as possible (within my control, of course).
I’m going to share how we got pregnant and everything I wish we knew before even starting to try.
When I thought about trying to “plan” for a baby, it felt incredibly overwhelming.
As I neared my 30th birthday I remember asking my doctor “So, is there any way to know whether I’m a good candidate to get pregnant?”
I wanted some accessible test or data to tell me “you have a 47% chance of getting pregnant right away based on X, Y, or Z factors.
I quickly realized that no such test existed.
I asked friends and friends of friends and they all had different answers. Some said that I should get started soon and others said I had plenty of time. Though well-intended, this guidance wasn’t particularly helpful!
It became clear to me that women’s reproductive health hasn’t been a significant priority for the medical industry.
I was disappointed to hear that the only way to know if you’ll get pregnant right away is to start trying.
I wasn’t ready to embark on that journey at the time. However, even though there wasn’t a magic test I could take, I decided that I would know when the time felt right.
I couldn’t help but compare my journey to others — like my Mom & Dad, who had three kids by the time she reached my then-current age.
A couple of years later started to feel like the right time. We got married, bought our home, and felt increasingly settled into our new life in San Diego.
I started thinking “how does one prepare to get pregnant?”
I asked myself “what are the things I can do to put myself in the best possible position to prepare myself, my body, and my mental state to give myself the best advantage?”
I decided that I would feel better if I took control and answered that question to the best of my ability.
We planned ahead (well, sorta…)
But first, we tried to plan ahead by spending the last 5 years doing everything we ever wanted to do before becoming parents.
We made a list of all the things we wanted to do before having kids.
This list included things like throwing our wedding, a honeymoon adventure, buying a home, and squeezing in as much travel as we could. The list went on…
Our Wedding in our orchard in San Diego
Our honeymoon in Thailand
Disneyworld & playing in waterfalls in Costa Rica
It was really helpful for me to write this list out and check each of the most important items one by one.
At some point, I realized that it would be impossible to check every single thing we wanted to do before having kids. I was comfortable with everything Josh and I chose to do and it finally felt like the right time.
When we started trying for a baby, I quickly realized that it’s not as simple as you may imagine. I Googled and researched and realized that there was A TON we did not know.
I took the things we learned and summarized them. This is not medical advice, so please be sure to consult your doctor. My goal with writing this is to document my learnings and experience in the event that they’re helpful to others — and to remind myself of the process we followed in case I forgot!
Ultimately, it’s impossible to know what specific thing led to me getting pregnant (except doing the baby dance, of course!), but it did make me feel better knowing that we were doing everything in our power to give ourselves the best possible chance.
Things that surprised us!
Some people are lucky to get pregnant right away, but for the majority of people, it can take up to a year! Statistically, it takes most couples up to a year to conceive, and that’s if you time your ovulation window correctly.
It’s all about timing!! If you miss your ovulation window (which may be as short as 12 hours for some women) you will likely not get pregnant that month. The OPK testing is really helpful here but it’s also not 100% accurate — so if you have the patience to do charting, that can give you another tool to help time it properly.
It’s not a one-and-done deal! We spend so much time trying not to get pregnant that we think once we are ready…it will happen right away. We had to learn to have patience with ourselves and not get frustrated each month.
Overnight, my mindset went from “I think we’re ready to start trying” to “I WANT A BABY. NOW.” It made me wish we started trying a bit before we were 100% ready. It would have removed a little bit of the pressure each month. And if you do get pregnant right away: consider yourself one of the lucky ones!
There are a lot of companies who will try to sell you all kinds of things with promises that their products help you get pregnant. Ultimately, these products are marketed and packaged well — and unfortunately can sometimes play on your emotions –They also allow you to spend money unnecessarily. I wasted money on some of these products. Do your own research before spending hard-earned money on questionable or empty promises.
How I Dealt with the Disappointment of Seeing That Negative Test Each Month
At first, seeing a negative test each month was devastating. I developed critical thoughts, became moderately depressed and worried if it was ever going to happen. I realized that was not healthy and that I needed to change my mindset. I knew I needed to change my state of mind.
I took a break from social media until I was in a better place mentally. I removed myself from reading negative stories in forums or groups — the Internet will feed you any point of view imaginable — and instead focused on improving my own situation and mental health.
I made a conscious effort to be happy for my friends who were getting pregnant because I knew that my time would come and I would appreciate that in return.
How I Prioritized my Mental Health and Found Ways to Relax and Destress
The worst thing you can tell someone trying to get pregnant is just relax and it will happen. Not getting pregnant is stressful and makes it really difficult to “just relax.”
Daily Meditation
It’s really easy to think negatively and allow yourself to be influenced by these thoughts. I made up a pregnancy meditation where I imagined myself pregnant and imagined our family with a baby. I imagined it in as much detail as I possibly could and even rubbed my stomach as I did it to really connect and visualize a baby in there. I did this visualization every day before I woke up and right before going to bed for at least 5 to 10 minutes. It calmed me and allowed me to experience peace. It also felt more productive!
Daily Walks
Walking is a great habit to get into now since it’s super beneficial when you’re pregnant. It can even help boost your baby’s IQ in the womb. Walking is also a wonderful way to destress and change your environment.
Journaling
Ever since reading the book The Artist’s Way I have been an avid journaler. I feel the difference in my mood and ability to concentrate on deep work. It’s helpful to look back and see how far you’ve come and to know exactly what was going on in your mind. It’s an insight into how you grew and how you processed decisions. Navigating through the fertility journey was a rollercoaster and being able to journal through that helped me tremendously.
My Two Lists
Each month that I did not get pregnant I made two lists. One was a list of things that I was grateful for, since it’s hard to be upset and grateful in the same moment.
The second was a list of things that I could do that month because I was not pregnant (e.g., going wine tasting, creating a new cocktail recipe, going to a sushi dinner, taking a hot bath, enjoying our jacuzzi at sunset with a glass of wine, or booking a last minute trip) It gave me something small to look forward to before trying again the following month.
Workout Routine
Working out has always been a great way for me to destress. I worked out an hour a day for 5 to 7 days a week prior to getting pregnant. I focused on strengthening my core and pelvic floor muscles. I rotated between barre, pilates, yoga, stretching, and cardio via the Lulu Lemon Mirror (use code ROYAU7SJ for a discount). I read over and over that exercise is one of the best things you can do when you’re pregnant. I wanted to give my body the best chance to recover after having the baby, so I continued on with my consistent workout routine until I became pregnant. I also had no idea how much I would be able to exercise once pregnant. It turns out…not much…especially in the first trimester!
Recommended Books
Taking Control of your Fertility
I wish I read this book in my 20s when I wasn’t trying to get pregnant — as opposed to my 30s when I felt like maybe I waited too long to start trying. Every woman should read this book whether or not they want kids.
I highly recommend this book. Multiple fertility doctors told me there isn’t anything you can do to improve egg quality, but I had a hard time believing that lifestyle and environmental factors did not impact your egg quality. I’m SO GLAD I found this book. I learned so much and loved that it provided actionable tactics to follow at the end of each chapter.
Though I didn’t agree with all the nutrition recommendations in this book I appreciated the approach to mindset and the advice to get yourself in the right headspace to get pregnant.
This book is a follow-up to “ It Starts with the Egg”. I highly recommend reading this book immediately after you are pregnant. It shares many great insights into how to protect your baby while pregnant and after birth. I learned SO MUCH from this book including how making small changes can help remove toxins in your environment which can impact the health of your eggs and future baby.
This book is more focused on your period, but I love the way it breaks down your period and compares it to the seasons. For someone like me who finds it hard to rest and relax, this book explained why it’s OK to rest and relax and ultimately that can help you get pregnant.
How I Prepared My Body to Come Off Birth Control
Skin
Since coming off birth control can wreak havoc on your skin I became more diligent with my skincare routine. I switched to a silk pillowcase and rotated it out often. I used up any remaining products I had and started making the transition to using clean beauty products that are free of paraben, phthalates, fragrances, and any other chemicals that can interfere with endocrine systems.
Hair
I started taking this Australian plant-based collagen that promotes hair growth. It’s made out of aloe vera, pea protein, vitamin C, and more. It has a tasty vanilla flavor and I add it to my morning smoothie.
Food
We eat a mostly plant-based diet with many vegetables and fruits. I started diligently reading labels to confirm that the things I consumed did not contain trans fats or other toxic ingredients. I leaned toward a diet that consisted of organic whole foods that are minimally processed. We also incorporated fermented foods to help improve gut health. One of my favorites is a Persian pickled dish called Torshi from our cookbook— it makes for a great snack! I made the switch to buying mostly organic, specifically anything that fell into the dirty dozen list.
The more you can eat unprocessed whole foods — which you prepared at home — the better. Avoid GMO food and pesticides, even though it’s more expensive, we switched to organic. Alternatively, you can check the dirty dozen list for a list of the 15 foods that you should buy organic because they have the most pesticides.
The Mother to Baby website was a great resource for me to lean on, especially for plant-based nutrition and supplement information.
A few recipes from our upcoming cookbook The Vegan Persian Kitchen
Foods That Are Good for Fertility
Lentils
Quinoa
Beans
Leafy greens – Eat a large leafy green salad every day
Pomegranates
Avocados
Sunflower seeds
Beets
Sweet Potatoes
Berries (organic, if possible)
Maca Powder (I add this to my smoothie daily)
Watermelon
Flax seed
Almonds
Cashews
Walnuts
Sunflower seeds
Sesame seeds
Pumpkin seeds
Ground flax seed
Brazil nuts
Dates
Foods rich in methyl nutrients include: avocados, beets, peanuts, beans, asparagus, spinach, & potatoes.
Antioxidant rich foods (think colorful plant foods!) = green vegetables (spinach, kale, artichokes, broccoli etc.), berries, cacao, nuts, seeds, red cabbage, pomegranate, and beets.
Colorful greens – I love making a rainbow salad with many different colors, textures, and tastes.
100% pure pomegranate juice – a tasty drink and wonderful antioxidant
Vitamins & Supplements
I try to get as much of my nutrients from food as possible, but there were some vitamins I took to help provide that extra boost. Having enough folate, B12, B6, B2, choline, methionine, and betaine is crucial for healthy genetic expression for your baby.
Ubiquinol Vitamin OR Co Q-10
Josh and I both took this vitamin. It may improve egg count and quality. Per the study it is recommended to take 600 milligrams to help improve egg quality. We stopped taking this once I became pregnant.
Prenatal vitamin with folic acid
I started taking these at least 6 months in advance of trying to get pregnant. Some people have a hard time processing folic acid; their body does not absorb it properly. It might be more beneficial to take MTHF Folic Acid instead. Folate is extremely important especially during the very early weeks of pregnancy.
Ritual Prenatal Vitamin
Initially I took a different prenatal vitamin but switched to Ritual because it contains the active form of folate or methyl-folate (5-MTHF). I switched around between a few different brands of prenatals. Once you’re pregnant you might want to look for one that helps with nausea or change your prenatal if you think it might be contributing to nausea.
Vitamin D
Most of us are lacking in Vitamin D. A Vitamin D deficiency can affect your ability to get and remain pregnant. Many studies have shown that Vitamin D levels are associated with female fertility and healthy pregnancy outcomes. They are also correlated with sperm production and motility and supplementing with Vitamin D may improve female fertility and pregnancy outcomes.
Spirulina
Or, as I like to call it, Mermaid Dust, is a freshwater blue green algae that’s full of proteins and other vitamins. It is a fertility-enhancing antioxidant and can boost your immune system.
Probiotics
I mostly took these when I was traveling and not able to eat fermented foods regularly. At home I prefer to get my probiotics from eating fermented foods like torshi.
Pregnitude
“A viable non-prescription option for women as it can help promote regular ovulation, support regular menstrual cycles and increase the quality of eggs” I bought this and laster realized it was specifically for women who do not have regular cycles. Ultimately I didn’t need it or use it but if you have endometriosis it could be helpful to ask your doctor about it.
TESTING
Thryoid Health
I learned just how important thyroid health is if you’re trying to get pregnant. I did testing early on to confirm all levels were in the appropriate places. A simple blood test and conversation with your doctor can help you determine this.
If you’re on a mission to get pregnant and your insurance covers it it’s helpful to get your testing done at a lab with a doctor so they can review the results with you and make recommendations. If you’re just curious (and don’t have a sense of urgency) then I recommend Modern Fertility as a more casual way to analyze data around your hormone health.
THINGS WE AVOIDED OR LIMITED
Alcohol
We don’t typically drink outside the home since we tend to prefer our homemade cocktails. Although we didn’t drink much before we dialed it down even more since alcohol and having even just 3-4 drinks a week (for men and women) has been shown to reduce fertility.
No jacuzzis
This one is mostly for men during the “trying” period. Once you get pregnant it’s recommended to avoid hot tubs or extremely warm baths.
Trans fats and partially hydrogenated oils
Instead, we used olive oil — and less oil in general.
Refined sugars and overly processed grains
The more you can avoid processed foods in general the better off you’ll be!
All artificial sweeteners
I already avoided these but made even more of an effort to double check labels.
Avoid all endocrine-disrupting chemicals. EDCs are mostly man-made chemicals, found in various metals, such as pesticides, metals, additives, or contaminants in food and personal care items. The books I recommended go into detail on the importance of this and include actionable insights to follow.
STEPS TO BE PROACTIVE
I prefer to be as proactive as possible, especially when it comes to my health.
Acupuncture
I heard so many good things about acupuncture and the benefits linked to fertility. I avoided it for a while since I’m not a fan of needles and have to look the other way whenever I’m getting blood drawn. I never could have imagined that it could actually be relaxing! I even fell asleep a few times and always left feeling more calm. Since you have to lay fairly still during acupuncture I used that time as an opportunity to do a fertility meditation and relax.
I purchased Kegg, a medical-grade fertility device that gives you accurate and personalized fertility tracking through cervical fluid in just 2 minutes a day. The device is accompanied with an app that helps you track and organize your information. You can also choose to do kegals prior to your fertility reading. I wish this device also recorded your basal body resting temperature (it does not) as that is a great way to track your cycle and ovulation. I’m not sure how much this helped actually track my cycles. It seems like an extra layer (in addition to OPK strips and tracking) to help determine your best ovulation days.
APPOINTMENTS I BOOKED PRIOR TO GETTING PREGNANT
Oftentimes the medical default is to try for a year then start testing to see if anything needs correction. I personally did not want to wait a whole year (or have time biologically) to only find out if both my tubes were closed and that it would be impossible to get pregnant without IVF. I scheduled an appointment with my OB for the procedure to confirm that both of my tubes were open. They do this by running liquid through your tubes and watching with a sonogram to confirm the liquid is visible and showing up where it should. Unfortunately, the test was inclusive for me and she couldn’t confirm that they were both open.
I scheduled a second test with a specialist a month later (the longest month of my life!) and following that appointment, they were able to confirm that both my tubes were open! Yay! It was a bit of a painful process both times (imagine intense period cramps) but it was worth it to receive the news that we were finally pregnant!
There is speculation that this procedure of passing liquid through your tubes clears them out and can help the sperm travel through your tubes can help you to get pregnant. I don’t know if this is true but shortly after that I got pregnant so I suppose it didn’t hurt!
I also booked appointments with/for the following:
Physical exam
Gynecologist
Bloodwork
Thyroid testing
Dentist (to get any work needed work done)
Genetic screening
Thyroid testing
Blood work
Normal physical exam
Normal breast exam
Normal Pap test
I hope you found this summary of our experience and pregnancy journey helpful. I have also learned how important it is to do your own research. Don’t rely on anyone else (not even your doctor as they’re busy caring for (dozens or hundreds of other) patients) to give you all the right answers. Don’t be afraid to speak up, push back, ask questions, and most importantly be an advocate for yourself.
I always research everything myself and come prepared with a list of questions in a note on my phone for further clarification.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself throughout this entire journey. I hope sharing my experience was helpful in some way and wish you the very best on this journey!
The Secret’s Out. We’re Having a Baby! Read how I shared the news with Josh.
Hi there, my name is Roya — that means dream in Farsi– I am a creator, marketer, adventurer, dreamer, curator of experiences, and plant-based lover of food on the search for the best plant-based restaurants in the world.
My husband Josh and I own several acres in San Diego and it is our mission to live our best life while eating food that is fresh, healthy, tasty, AND good for the environment. Follow along on our journey with us.
This page may contain affiliate links. If you choose to purchase after clicking a link, we may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Any commissions we receive go towards taking care of our orchard.
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